it's sad but extremly exciting. in less than a month me and my sis are moving to toronto. fashion design school. too exciting.
all my friends are starting to leave town which is upsetting. all the drinking i did this summer caused me to not gain but not lose. 110 pounds all fucking summer but that will surely change once i get to toronto.

i just had my last session with addiction services. its sad really she was a really nice lady. my binging hasn't decreased any but i am more aware of what im doing.. im going to start therapy in toronto so eventually my binging should all together stop.
my therapist asked me a very interesting question: if i woke up tomorrow and my ed was gone what would be the result:
I could eat and not have the urge to eat more, not be consumed by thoughts of food at all times; what im going to eat or what im not going to eat. and most importantly be able to give my complete concentration to something else.

fasting today.. currently drinking coffee mmm

bye <3

stolen from tiny seed!

1. Name:lacey amelia
2. Birthday:november 19, 1987
3. Place of residence:labrador cty, Newfoundland.. but soon to be Toronto, Ontario
4. Do you have brothers and sisters?: 1 brother and 1 sister(bff)
5. What makes you happy:feeling thin, dressing up, playing with my friends
6. What drives you crazy:my body
7. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:Protest the Hero- turn soonest to the sea
8. Do you read my lj:i do!
9. If you do, what do you like and/or dislike about it:i love your pictures you are the tiniest
10. An interesting fact about you:I love death pictures
11. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:i have a crush on every second boy i see
12. Favourite place to be:any downtown of a big city
13. Favourite book:The Torn Skirt by Sherry Ashworth
14. Best time of the year: fall
15. What is your ambition/dream in life?:to become a successful fashion designer
16. If life was perfect, what would it be like for you?:i wouldnt be depended on food, therefor I would be tiny... me and my sister would be having teh time of our lives in Toronto.

Recommend
1. A film:Amelie
2. A book:The Perks of Being a Wallflower
3. A band, a song and an album:Tegan & Sara, Metric- On the Sly, Brand New's The Devil and God are Rageing Inside Me

You & Me
1. One thing you like about me:your beautiful
2. Two things you like about yourself:I like my wirsts and my sense of style
3. What is something you've always wanted to tell me:idk
4. Anything you're curious to know?:
5. Post this in your LJ so I can tell you what I think about you.

Current Location: bed

i had a pretty ok week. monday i fasted but only lasted 21 hours then i ate popcorn and such.. tuesday i ate regular and i walked for 3.25 hours. speed walking too on the highway which is so much better than walking around town. when im on the highway im not worrying if people are seeing me or noticing how fat i am! so today im working from 7-7 after work i shall do my weights, yoga and power walk for 1.5 hours. tomorrow i have to clean the house hardcore because my mom i sgetting back on saturday and i will power walk for at least 3 hours. 

this weekend is booze filled but my therapy taught me not to beat myself up after i drink cause i know it is a trigger to binge. keeping that in mind i hope to have a good weekend.

todays my brothers bday! hes 14 i love him... 

pictures of bag and shirt i made on my days off monday and tuesday!





my sister told me two days ago that she coudlnt handle my eating disorder anymore because it was too much stress and she doesnt want anything bad to happen to me. i got realy upset 
its just the motivation i need to stop enjoying food.
food is a commodity that controls my life beyond belief.
its just not right

think thin

Current Mood: blah

i havent updated in so long because I AM OUT OF CONTROL.. i am teh biggest fat failure there is! all i do everyday is constantly binge and purge to the point that I am going to take action finally!

starting today and tomorrow I am fasting because I NEED to prove to myself that I can go a few days without eating.. or better yet go a few hours without eating.
wednesday and thursday i have to work so i will keep my intake to around 500 calories. and hopefully on friday i can fast again because I am off

i have been going out and getting drunk a lot lately but if i could just drop some pounds i know i would have a much better time when i go out.
a few pics from the last few weekends! i am the one with black hair



i am currently killing my hunger with coffee!
think think

uhhhhh so of course i failed in my quest to only eat fruit and veggies.. ive purged the last three days in a row.. i only walked for an hour and 50 minutes yesterday and only 3 and a half hours the day before. today and tomorrow i have to work.. this weekend i am going to BARELY eat a hting because i am getting drunk both nights. i went to addiction services yesterday for teh first time. it was ok i have stuff to read up on and ill post the tips up on my journal. i have a good feeling about this. i really think i can overcome my addiction with food

so my day sorta went ok i geuss i did binge but i purged it all up and i dont care.. i took in 600 cals and worked for twelve hours. i need 1700 cals a day for weight maintenance. so im concluding at least -1100 cals for today! i could be a little off
bfast black coffee and special k red berries
11ambreak bowl of grapes with a handful of blueberries and raspberries
2pm break small peach and small apple
5pm broccoli and cauliflower with low cal italien dressing

came home from work and ate a lot but it all came up

the problem with my bingeing lately was that i didnt purge its like im too tired to even purge anymore but i will never binge again without purging. i cant be in thsi house with cupboards full of junk so im dying to move to toronto in spetember, but i figure when i get out there i will stop having that kind of food around me and i will no longer binge and purge. until then if i binge then purging just has to come from it

im starting to consider getting back into cocaine and ecstacy again to kill my apetite.. i dont know if the anxiety it gives me in teh end is worth it though.. what do you guys do to supress your apetites? im going to buy vitamine 12 and 6 tomorrow cause i heard that works
night girls

Current Mood: indifferent

for the next two weeks i am going to be so good it hurts
no more bingeing at every hour of every day i ate so much today i want to kill myself
once a day i can eat something that is not a fruit or vegetable and that is bfast a whole wheat bagel every morning then for every other snack it will be a fruit or vegetable! i cant plain old fast because i have to work 98 hours a week hosing iron ore so that takes strength and therefor i need to take in more than just water to get through work. ill walk as much as i can but if im too tired i wont feel too bad about it.
when the two weeks are over i hope to lose 5 pounds at least! im 110 so that would bring me down to 105.. im 5'4" but i feel like people who weigh more than me look much skinnier because i am definitly fatter than most of the ppl on these communities!

anyways im hopeful about this two week plan. it will work because i will force myself to do this.. i can do this

Current Mood: anxious

Uhhh I am so stressed out... i ate so badly and got drunk twice this weekend.. my weight didnt go up though and i feel skinny today.. I was 111 this morning but sometimes I convince myself teh scale is wrong
i binged and purged after i got home from work because I HAD TEH WORST DAY
a few days ago my foreman asked me to come see her and she was wondering if there was something going on in my life and why I had been missing so much work. i told her i was going through some stuff and was getting help at the hospital and i ended up telling her about my ED.. i thought it was confidential but she fucking called first aid and today i got called down there and i had to talk to a doctor for an hour about my ED it drained me so much i cried and everything but he did motivate me a bit to get better.. i believe if i try hard i can stop binge eating.. i dont want to binge eat but i dont want my determination to be skinny to go away i dont see that as part of teh disease its the being addicted to food that makes me want to die.. anyways he definitly said everything i told him was confidential and teh little bastard called my doctor who called my mom who is now trying to get mne to tell her what happened.. ive done enough talking for today

</3

Current Location: room
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: watching the office

what does everyone drink in an attempt to not pack on the pounds everytime you decide to party i am so sick of how bad alcohol is. i drink vodka and diet sprite. i heard paris hilton drinks alcohol that burns fat. does anyone know anything more about this?
i enjoy drinking too much but it ruins my attempts all week at working out as much as possible.

someone help



ps i watched black snake moan and holy shit fuck christina ricci is small everyone should watch it for inspiration

Current Location: bed
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: movie marie antionette

i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself. i cant stop sitting on my ass and eating crap

someone help me

Current Mood: blah